The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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