Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
