The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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