I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
