fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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