He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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