Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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