summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
