I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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