So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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