Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
