I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
