You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
