im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
