I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
