I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
