i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
