Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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