it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
