I got chris browned last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
