So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
