Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
