Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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