So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
