He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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