Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
