You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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