eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
