He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
