i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
