Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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