seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
