Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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