It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize