i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
