Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
