we have officially lost it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
