Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize