After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
