Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
