My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
