just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize