The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
