I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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