so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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