I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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