I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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