so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I just put wine in my tea
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
