she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
