Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
