Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
