Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
