I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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