Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
