he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
