I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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