My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
