Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am naked and annoyed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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