dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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