just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
